im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
