I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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