You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
