I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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