i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
