Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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