these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize