Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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