She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
