How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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