The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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