I accidentally burped into my bong.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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