That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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