This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
