New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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