I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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