Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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