you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
