i wish starbucks made bloody marys
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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