i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
