I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
