Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
