My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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