just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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