I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
