Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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