omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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