My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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