sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
