batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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