I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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