Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
