My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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