and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize