I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
