highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
