I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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