So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
