i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize