How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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