The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
