ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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