just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
