her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I need a beard to bite.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
