wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
