If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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