i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
ugly people sure do ruin things
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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