Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
honey bunches of taint.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
