And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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