Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
