im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
