am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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