This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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