I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
