Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just invented taco cereal.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
