I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
