now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
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she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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