Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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