i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
