dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
