I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i would punch a child for taco bell
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You need a sexual gate keeper
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
