did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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