Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
