Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
