Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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