Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
