Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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