Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
