i'm signing you up for texting rehab
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
40s are totally the cure
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
