By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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