I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
