It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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