Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Randomize
