Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
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What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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