I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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